Real-Person Fiction (RPF)

I'm a big fan of "Law and Order: Criminal Intent", and I especially enjoy the performances of Vincent D'Onofrio and Kathryn Erbe.

I write a lot of so-called "fan-fiction"; semi-original stories, based on the characters in the show.

Some people also write what is known as Real Person Fiction - which, as the title suggests, is fiction written about the actors themselves, rather than the characters they portray.

Recently I challenged someone on the ethics of writing this kind of thing. I got very, very uppity about it ...

"In my experience, people who say things like "I'm not going to try and defend my position in the face of such hostility" are normally covering up a very weak standpoint. What they mean is, "My position is ... uh, indefensible!" Take ownership of your sh**, especially if you are going to be throwing handfuls of it at the fan all the time.

If you aren't capable of telling what is basically Right, and what is basically Wrong, then I guess that shouldn't be my problem. Perhaps I should take issue with your parents, who evidently did such a piss-poor job of teaching you the basics. Problem is, it's people like you, with your desperate need to self-publicise, who end up having an undue amount of influence over MY children. Trashy, cheap television. "Reality drama." Tabloid newspaper reporting - oh, and incidentally, people who defend your writing by saying it was no worse than tabloid journalism were not in any way paying you a compliment. It could also be read as, "is no BETTER than tabloid journalism", which is in fact considered to be one of the lowest forms of literary output since the race-hate leaflet. Don't think that pathetic attempt as an excuse - "He dunnit first!" holds water.

People like you make it all the harder to teach MY children what is right and what is wrong. You increase my workload. You think I'm happy about that..?

Likewise, people who hide behind the excuse of "It's no different from (insert sad example here)" should perhaps consider a frontal lobotomy as a tool for self improvement. How far are you willing to go with that kind of attitude? What other things does it apply to in your life? How many of your own failings are you ignoring by comparing yourself to the shambling motion of others?

"Well-written"? "Well-written"? Well, I didn't read it so I've no idea. But that reminds me of someone saying: Look at the cool and elegant lines of this new dumpster. See how it utilises elements of classic design in it's construction." Uh, yeah. But it's still just a thing full of trash, isn't it?

This kind of writing, and the defence of it that I've heard so far, strikes me as further evidence of the rise of the Me Generation. An entire section of humanity that is devoted to deliberately failing to understand what it is like to be Someone Else. This failure to empathise is called egocentricity and normal children are supposed to have grown out of it by the time they are about 3 or 4 years old. Severely autistic people never lose this tendency, and consequently never manage to form any kind of idea of how something might feel for another person.

"Skip it, move on to the next post." / "It's not your problem." / "It has no personal bearing on your or your family." / "I'm not affected in any way, so who cares?" / "Oh, it's nothing to do with ME." Would you feel the same way if it was something that was written about, say, your father? Your uncle? Your husband? Your ex-wife? Your The nice lady who's daughter plays with yours after school? Your brother? Why is it so hard to imagine what it might feel like, were one of Vincent D'Onofrio's or Kathryn Erbe's friends or family members to stumble across an unprotected, high-visibility post that is all about the two of them having a fairly casual fu** (or whatever it was actually about.) Yeah, yeah yeah. Ignore it. Pretend it isn't there. Stick your head in the sand.

But it IS there.

"Famous people set themselves up for this kind of thing. They should expect it." Uh - were you still saying that when John Lennon was gunned down in front of his wife in NYC? Yeah, I bet you were. Certainly, some celebrities DO set themselves up for this kind of thing; they court notoriety because they have very little talent and have to get their regular 15 minutes of fame some other way. Jane Goody. Britney Spears. Kate Moss. Heather Mills. The Hilton Sisters. Even Michael Jackson, lately. In fact, the talent that these individuals have for flirting with the media and especially the gutter press, greatly outweighs any artistic talent that they might have. I don't think D'Onofrio and Erbe are in the same league, frankly. Neither of them has - until recently, with some high-profile charitable causes - give me any real reason to think that they go out and seek publicity of ANY kind, let alone the negative stuff. Quite the reverse, actually. I'd like to know what it is that VDO and KE have done to deserve this kind of malignment, apart from providing you with entertainment.

I'm prepared to accept that there may well be cultural differences at work here, too. Legally, things must be very different in the United States. Here in the UK, this kind of stuff would have solicitors sniffing around it hungrily, like a big juicy t-bone of a slander case.

"I am what I am" - oh, ho ho ho .. there it is, at last. The self-absolution so beloved of psychopaths, miss-fits and mass murderers throughout the ages. "I am what I am." Really? What a shame. I had thought you were so much more. "